I walked into therapy the other day with a horrible black cloud over my head. I’d had yet another shitty day at my should-be-great-but-is-really-shitty job, I’d missed the turn on a one-way street getting there, my shoulders were all tight and very sore, blah blah blah. I was just feeling really foul. I wanted this to be my last appointment because I knew I’d get there and she’d say “so, what’s on your agenda today?” and I knew I’d have nothing to say and I knew I’d have wasted an hour of my life, and $170.
The session started out slowly, and I was expecting it to head where I had expected it to head, but gah, you know what? It got better.
She talked me through my gloomy thoughts and I ended up leaving feeling lighter and bouncier and happier about the thing that, 50 minutes earlier, made me want to smash a pot-plant at the wall of her rooms (I didn’t, it’s ok).
I hate that I am dependant on my therapist to talk through the shitness of the things in my life that shit me and cause me to be shitty. Urgh. How horrible is that?
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4 July 2008 at 4:17 am
4wrdthnkndad
I understand not wanting to feel “dependent.” I’m familiar with having that feeling. And then today, I thought-”I’m not seeking out someone to be dependent on in order to continue living and behaving as I have for most of my life. I am seeking out someone to depend on till I can internalize a different set of skills, behaviors, feelings, or experience of myself. I wouldn’t expect a child to grow up without a parent to depend on, so why should someone who is trying to grow in new ways. Just some thoughts to consider.
7 July 2008 at 9:03 am
Mattda
Dammit. Forward Thinking Dad stole my comment.